A tiny rant

I like to think of myself as a reasonable person, most times, however, Meme up at the ungodly hour of seven a.m. without the coffee and having to visit the Hellmouth is just too much!

I would like to share my experience. Firstly, I went for the aforementioned coffee, so you know I was already in a bad mood. I shuffle into the Walmart, stagger to the coffee isle (which also contains the pickles for some reason I never can figure out), grab my super-duper-economy can of Folgers, and shuffle toward the checkout. As I have only the one thing I opted for the “Express” isle.

Apparently without my caffeine fix I do move at the speed of a snail as my Pooh claims, and I can only blame my lack of swiftness for the twit that decided to cut in front of me just as I get there. I blink a couple of times before I notice that this fat-bottomed woman, squeezed into a pair of spandex shorts several sizes too small, thus giving her a spectacular Dunlap, has absconded with my place in line.

Ok, I take full responsibility for that. .

Of course the state of her clothing should have given me a clue to the amount of brains she had rattling in her brittle-fried-within-an-inch-of-its-life-bleach-blonde-head. For, as I stand in the ten items or less line, this woman proceeds to unpack an entire cart full of crap onto the tiny counter. I look around noticing that there is only one other lane open and that line seems to stretch into infinity. Fabulous.

The checker and I share a weary look, both of us knowing where this is heading. “Ma’am” she says. “This is the ten items or less lane.”

Lard butt looks up at the sign, hoists the straps of her tank top (no bra of course, ew) and says. “It is? Well, I have a couple more things than ten.”

No crap.

“Surely you don’t mind just this once.”

The checker just barely restrains rolling of the eyeballs and sighs mournfully. “No ma’am it is fine, just this once.”

Gah!!! Of course she minds you witless cow! I MIND!!! I have not had my coffee damnit and I want it NOW! I scream silently in my head as I peruse the tabloid rack in an effort to distract myself. Unfortunately, the many covers with Jessica and Carmen and the rest of vacuous Hollywood did not help my frame of mind.

Things are going along, and the Walmart bags are piling up on the floor when we hit a snag.

*Blip*

“Wait, those are supposed to be two for five dollars.”

“Ok”

Blip, blip

“It’s coming up 3.99.”

“Try it one more time”

Blip

“Well the sign said two for five.”

“Do you want me to do a price check?”

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Yeah.”

The checker scoots out from behind the register and heads toward the nearest phone with the world weary air of a DMV worker on Friday afternoon. I seethe silently.

Lard butt turns to me and says. “It said two for five.”

“I’m sure it did.” I say politely.

“I hate price checks.”

Then why did you ask for one you heifer? “Oh, me too.”

Lard butt looks at my lone coffee can. “Is that all you have?”

“Yep.”

“Oh.”

“Yep.”

And we wait. Damnit. I, having perfected the art of waiting, stand quietly and flip through the tabloid. Lard butt, apparently having convinced herself she is the most important person on the planet huffs and puffs and complains loudly and bitterly so that all may hear how unfair her life is because she has to wait for a price check on a box of friggin donuts she, with her ginormous ass, really does not need in the first place.

She turns to me again. “What is taking so long?”

I shrug “It’s a price check, they always take a while, that’s why I never get them.”

“Look at how it‘s holding up the line. Well, they need to do something about that. ”

Of course ‘they’ do

About this time I crack. “Listen,” I say in a sweet ,mild tone. “If you had just gone into the other lane, instead of clogging the express lane with a cart full of stuff, I and the others like me who have just a couple of things would be out of here already.”

Lard butt gives me the ‘well-I-never!’ look and says hotly. “I didn’t know it was express.”

“Clearly, however the sign just above your head is quite easy to read. Perhaps in the future it would behoove you to get your head out of your ass and look up once in a while.”

With that I sweep from the line and head for the nearest CSM (aka Collation of Satan’s Mistresses) and explain the situation. I ended up getting a swift checkout at the customer service desk, much to my amazement. And as I sashay my pert little butt out of the store I wave merrily to lard butt, who had apparently decided to give up on the donuts after all.

I love my husband, but sometimes…

<---- Me and "Spanking Diaz"

Ok some of you are acquainted with my hubby aka Pooh so none of this will come as a surprise. For those of you who are not acquainted with Pooh, I apologize in advance.

This afternoon Pooh came swanning in to my room, dressed in his usual attire of tattered tighty-whities and a smug, sleazy smile. He stands in front of me in what I can only assume is a pose he had seen watching a cheap seventies porno and states the following in a Spanish accent he most likely heard from the same movie.

“Eello, I am Don Juan but ju may new me as Spanking Diaz. Si, ZE Spanking Diaz. Please, do nut come too cloze, I know thes is `ard for ju, I am world vamous porn star. I `ave been ze luver to meny women but belong to nun.”

He then proceeds to pose like a playboy bunny on the foot of my bed and continues this monologue;

“I new ju are overcomzs with ze dezire for a taste of my `ot latin lurv. Ju covet my speztatular and muzcular buddocks and long to become cloze friends with my loins. *insert sleezy smile here* “Alas Ju are too let, ny ‘eart as been captured by ze stunning and lurvery Meme, she is ze womens I vas ment to lurve for all eternity.”

At which point he leaves me, stunned speechless, and returns to his cave. Honestly, I am not sure if I could be afraid or flattered.

Meme's the Word

What is a meme?

Is it: meme (mēm), noun: A unit of cultural information, such as a cultural practice or idea, that is transmitted verbally or by repeated action from one mind to another?

Or is it Meme, the slightly cranky, just-woke-up woman above whose hubby Pooh thought it would be funny to snap this photo? (I have to say I do think it is funny now, especially when I recall the wedgie I gave him after :D)

It is both actually, but in the world of blogging, a meme is any idea that is spread from one person to another. It can be anything from a funny news story to a game of some sort to a what-type-of-kitchen-appliance-are-you? quiz. If you got the idea from someone else and you’re spreading the idea to other people, you’re contributing to a meme. Here are some memes seen around the Net:

Four Things About Me: I’ve seen a bunch of variations on this, but the premise is the same: listing things about yourself in fours on your blog.

Blog Tag: There are a million versions of this one too – basically write about something, and then tag someone else.

Meet and Greet: Leave a comment on a blog, find the person who commented before you and then comment on that person's blog.

Now it's your turn. Try one of the memes above. Even better, be creative and make one of your own. Feel free to comment about them here! Heck, we’ll do a version of the Meet and Greet on this blog. Comment on this blog entry, and read the blog of a person who had commented before you. Then post a nice comment on that person’s blog.

Come on you all know you want to take a ride of the MemeCoaster of Love! Whohoo!!!

To quote a very good friend of mine. We are Legion, We are Meme! *Ahem!*

Taken in part from yahoo's 360 (yes I know it is meem but really , I could not resist!)

Public Service Announcement.

Okies, in honor if Spellfire moons being #2 http://www.fictionwise.com/eBooks/MidnightShowcaseeBooks.htm. Yippie! Ahem. I present:

The Survival Guide to the Supernatural

1.When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check to see if it's really dead.

2.If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house--move away immediately!

3.Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

4.Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.

5. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice which is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. NOTE: It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.

6.When you have the benefit of numbers, *never* pair off and go it alone.

7.As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

8.Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.

9.If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.

10.If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.

11.Do not take *anything* from the dead.

12.If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.

13.Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.

14.If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

15.If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.

16.Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

17.If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.

18. Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased companions.
- Unknown.

I recommend one print this, have it laminated and keep it on one’s person at all times. Ideally, one should memorize it, however who has time for that sort of thing these days?

While you’re at, take a look at my story, http://www.fictionwise.com/eBooks/MidnightShowcaseeBooks.htm I am in there with a five other highly talented authors, so I am sure there is something to please whatever you fancy!

Spellfire Moons is OUT!!!!!!!!

Spellfire Moons
Moonshyne, Jewel Adams
Being the last moonbeam faery in existence makes Shyne lonely, until she meets Sheriff Malachi Spellfire, a shape-shifting demvir, who fills her emptiness with passion.
Trouble Brews, Mae Powers
When Jeff and Marion Trinkets learn she's pregnant, they didn't expect troubled brews of an eerie kind to happen within Spellfire, Texas.
The Grand Design, Melanie Gilbreath
Artist Stephen McClintock has lost his inspiration. It's interior decorator and witch Amy Pettibone to the rescue to salvage his unharmonious habitat.
Clothes Minded, Karen Rose
When car trouble brings runaway bride Cosmina del Costa to Quantum Mechanics, will this fashion designer find love in the arms of an ancient warrior?
In The Hot Zone, C. D. Reese
Heaven and Hell collide when a sharpshooter falls for a half demon. Can this 'petite ange' aim true to win her lover's very soul back?
High Chairs and High Stakes, Jenna Leigh
When Erin MacKenzie meets Matthias Gregory, a vampire raising his
daughter alone, the witch-nanny finds that she's bitten off more than she can chew.


Well, would you look at that!

I was actually starting to think it was a dream or something. Pooh induced of course.
*WEG*
This is very exciting, especially as three of the authors are, in fact, very great personal friends of mine! You do realize ladies, this means we are bound for all eternity! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
We shall be MadCows forever! *Pumps fist in air*
Oh and yes I have finally gotten a website, after all my whining! My thanks to Jennifer Macaire for suggesting Moonfruit.
So check me out if you like. http://wordwitch.moonfruit.com/

Caring for your muse

Ok then,

since my tarot deck is being a smart ass and repeating cards on me - 4 of Pentcles and The High Priestess- Here is something I thought was interesting!

Hope you all enjoy!

Caring For Your Muse
by Krishanna Spencer

The Greeks had nine guiding geniuses of creative inspiration, the Nine Muses. Ancient Grecians knew how to please and solicit their help. So should we, as Creative Spirits. Inspiration is often fickle,unpredictable and unaccountable. What can we do to make sure that our free spirited Muses feel welcome and at home with us?

Of course, there is no one answer but there is a common denominator: what your muse wants from you is your time.

Many of us are familiar with the terrific idea that hits you in the middle of a business meeting or as you grab your keys and head out the door. But usually, the idea is lost by the time we are home and in front of the keyboard, at the easel, or behind the pen.

Muse-pleasing works on the same principle as dreamwork. Your Muse likes to be invited, just like dreams. Natalie Goldberg suggests, "showing up for work"- even if you sit there blankly for an hour and nothing happens, fingers disturbingly still. Set aside regular time to wait, to pay attention, to listen, to be there. However, muses are allergic to imperatives and don't appear to place such a high price on producing as we do. They like us to give ourselves time to play and daydream, to think and ruminate, to muse and be amused.

What does your Muse look like? What kind of Muse do have or do you
want? What is her name? What does your Muse prefer? Does she prefer blues to classical; roses or daffodils? Does she have a favorite coloror fragrance? Is she your sister, a Goddess or an intimate friend?

When we symbolize creative inspiration this way, we are more likely to set up the best atmosphere for keeping our Muses and our creative selves by extension, content and well fed. Inspiration needs nourishment and no one wants to starve his or her Muse. Museums,libraries, galleries, concerts, nature and bookstores keep your Muse interested and inspired-- and your creativity in almost constant bloom.

Like people, Muses enjoy friends. Maybe you have developed relationships that scoff at your attempts and ignore your achievements but no self-respecting Muse stands for this. If you keep your Muse in mind, she will help you to choose friendships that will support and nurture your creativity.

Muses hate to be bored and many aspects of our culture do this- television, mall music and the erroneous idea that we exist to shop andbuy in our pervasive advertising. When my Muse starts to snooze, I take it as an indication that I need to choose more things that keep Her awake and alert.

It's difficult to engage your Muse when you are surrounded with noise and chaos. Vital to a muse is a private place. A converted garage, or attic or the corner of a room for your chosen form of art makes that private place for you and your Muse to form a deep and lasting kinship.

Lastly, some sort of regular, spiritual practice seems to please the Muse. Whether this includes singing, drumming, prayer, meditation,burning candles, lighting incense or something completely different; it doesn't matter. What matters is that if you feel dried out or burned up, spending some time focused on Spirit can bring us to the well and allows us to drink the sweet water of creativity. Muses get thirsty too.

Four Of Pentacles

Key words

Wanting to POSSESS

BLOCKING change

Maintaining CONTROL

The four of pentacles represents possessions. Financial problems will be overcome and you will find yourself with material stability. A very solid home life is indicated, this is great if it comes after a time of struggle, however if not, life could become too predictable.

OK this one was not too hard for me to figure out. Today I started a new job and it is one where I shall be making more money than the last. I also am saving to go back to school so, much like the grouchy merchant in this card, I am hoarding every dime I make with an almost posessive jealousy. It is mine, MINE!!! And you cant have it, I shant share!!!
Bwahahahahahah!

Daily Draw March 8

The High Priestess

Keywords
Nonaction
Potential
Unconscious awareness
Mystery


Am I sensing a theme here?
As I am using the Robin Wood deck, this card seems to compliment yesterday’s card of the Moon. The moon is in this card again and it is shining brightly, the Priestess herself seems to be offering me the knowledge she holds in her hand, if only I will take it.

I found myself staring at this card for quite a while this morning. It really spoke to me. I have been studying the Craft for after three years and, after several bad experiences, have nearly given up on finding anyone knowledgeable to guide me. Perhaps this card is telling me not to give up, or that maybe I don’t need someone to show me the way, I can find it myself if I keep looking.

Daily Draw March 7

The Moon

Keywords
Feeling Fear
Stimulating the imagination
Feeling bewildered
Believing Illusions

Another interesting card for me. I have been sort of wandering aimlessly for the last month, not getting anything useful done, very unhappy in my last job and in denial about my misery because it was convenient. It has wreaked havoc on my inner balance. Along with that are the inner changes that I have been going through.

I have recently been contracted to write a story heavy on the fantasy elements, and have been struggling with it. I am very afraid I shall fail and my story shall sucketh big time!

This card did not frighten me, as I gather from the book it does to many. The moon gives plenty of light and the path is clear. I don’t see the baying dogs as frightening but as companions for my trip and what dog does not love to howl at the moon? The water and the crawfish, to me represent creative energy being drawn from the recesses of my subconscious and the pillars to me represent strength and in a of sort of way I find them comforting.
I could be totally off but there you have it!

Daily Draw

March 6, 2006
Six of swords-
Keywords-
Feeling the blues
Traveling
Recovering
6 swords

OK this was a weirdly profound card for me for two reasons. I have recently accepted that I have left the Maiden phase of my life behind and entered the Mother phase. This makes me sad and wistful, I feel like I just got to know the Maiden me and now I have to leave her behind.
I know it is for the best yet I can’t seem to muster any enthusiasm about it.

On a more mundane note, I am leaving one dead-end job for another, the new one is marginally better, more money better, hours yada, yada yet is still a dead end job. Still it is progress forward, but I can’t bring my self to be enthusiastic about it either.

*sigh* Why can't I ever get to be the evil one???

The Fairy Princess
You are youthful, cheery, and exuberant with a sunny disposition and a mischievous sense of humor. You are very lively and are always up for a good bit of fun. You have a deep love of nature and animals.

Role Model: Titania

You are most likely to: Convert a pumpkin into a useful mode of transportation.

http://quizilla.com/users/FaerieFriend/quizzes/What%20Kind%20of%20Princess%20are%20You%3F%20%20-%20%20Beautiful%20Artwork%20(Original%20Music%20is%20BACK!!!)/

Shouldn't this be easy?

Hmm
It has been brought to my attention that, as a budding author, I should consider getting a website of my own.

Good Lord! Look people, the only reason I have this blog is because my good friend Jenn did all my HTML or whatever it is called for me. I am such a dolt at this stuff that she is forced to keep a file on her own computer of all my stuff and fix my mistakes.

*sigh*

There seems to be a bewildering array of places one can get a website at. So how does a tech-challenged gal know how to get the one that is right for her. I mean it’s not like I can to go match.com and fill out a questionnaire and be matched up to the right one. Or can I?

Gah!

So hear my cry for help out there in cyber space.

Wherever shall I go? Whatever shall I do? Ahem. *ok my Gone With the Wind moment has passed. *

Any advice shall be gratefully accepted

Thanks!

Smoke gets in my eyes!

Well, well how time does fly,

Let me see what have I been doing with myself? (besides not keeping up with my blog?)
I have been accepted by Midnight Showcase to write a story for their summer Spellfire Digest. Yes it is very exciting! Go me!!!

I did have the deer-in-the-headlights-writer’s-block for about a week but then our Devine Ms. Q gave me some advice that I had given her and it’s all good now. May I say that I do indeed give good advice *Preens*

Pooh has stopped making fire and now apparently can only produce smoke. So I am indeed a smoked Meme. *sigh* He has also managed to break the wood stove, Apparently no one informed him that one splits logs with an ax and a wedge, not by beating them against the lip of the wood stove. Luckily there was no fire, only smoke so we did not have to file an insurance claim. ( I wonder if we are covered for an act of Pooh?)

As a side note, three of marvelous mad cows listed in the side bar have also been accepted into the Spellfire digest I have been , this is a most exciting development as you know how ebil likes to stick together!

That is all for now, I shall endeavor to keep you all abreast of things here in the smoky little kingdom of Princess Smoked Meme and Chief Pooh of the ripped drawers!
Muah

P.s. Much thanks to Jenn for fixing my blog with a new look!

Poetry corner

I saw you across a crowded room. Among all the others that were there. The lights seemed to shine down on you alone. I knew then that I had to have you for my own.

Willingly, you come with me to my home. From the car, I carry you, throw the door open and enter my castle. Looking at you, I admire your body, your well shaped legs, and full, well-rounded breasts.

Slowly I remove all that wraps around your body so tightly, fitting you like a glove. Exposing your tender white skin.From your neck I remove your charms, and carry you off in my arms, to the warm water that awaits. The water cascades down your neck, flowing over your soft breasts... making your legs glisten with a shimmering sheen of wetness.

Droplets of water cover your taut skin. My hands rub your body, mmmm... running them through the beads of water... making them trickle down off your body. Slowly I slide my fingers inside you. You are warm and moist, so ready. I carry your still dripping body to a laying place, so that I can put inside you what was well prepared to enter you long before we even came through the door.

As soon as I lay you down, your legs spread open wide. You are ready now and so am I. I put a little in slowly at first, getting a feel for how muchyou can take. I slide in a little more, you take it willingly.

In anticipation, faster and faster I put it in, pushing it as deeply and as far as I can, until I can't fill you any more... you are so tight. With your legs wrapped tightly, not wanting to release any of it, I make you so hot for a very long time, until your sweet juices slowly escape from within.

Then I taste you, sliding your tender flesh over my tongue... your skin is so soft and tender.I taste more of you with my mouth, sliding my tongue slowly across your warm flesh.. you are so hot and moist, you smell so good. Your juices coating my mouth, dribbling down my chin, making me drool in anticipation of tasting you more, with every tiny nibble.

"Oh yes", I whisper breathlessly... "I do love a Butterball turkey..."

HAVE A WONDERFUL THANKSGIVING!!

It wasn't what your dirty little mind thought it was now was it ? LOL...

More interesting than the Princess???

Oh yeah

<---- That is so totally me *rolls eyes*








http://quizilla.com/users/cidneylh/quizzes/What%20woman%20out%20of%20fantasy%20literature%20are%20you?/

yes this is the real Meme. :D

Scary doings in Windy Corners!

Not really, it is just that time of year again; And, being me I have a few tidbits to share on the holiday.

Halloween or Hallowe'en, is sometimes called Nutcrack Night and Holy Eve. Has its roots in All Hallows' Eve, which as many people know, is the night before the Christian festival of All Saints Day, or All Hallows.

Hallows is derived from the Old English word 'halig' meaning ‘a holy man’. All Hallows was first observed on the 1st of May, However in 834 the holiday was moved to the date of the 1st of November. It celebrated the desecration of the Roman Pantheon, a pagan temple dedicated to all of Rome’s gods, in 610.

The Celtic peoples considered this the end of the year. Known as Summer's End it was a festival akin to our modern New Year's Eve. To the Celts, their days ran from sundown to sundown. From this we get what the phrase 'eve,' meaning the time before, and this night was the start of that this festival.

During this time it was believed that the veil between worlds is thinnest, allowing the spirits of the dead to walk the earth. They used this time to honor their dead loved ones and for Divining into the future.

"Old Hallowe'en" Old Hallowe'en, or Hallowe'en Old Style (usually abbreviated O.S.), is the day that the sun hits 15 degrees Scorpio. This is the old Scottish Quarter Day of 11th November, also adopted by Christianity and changed to Martinmas Day. It is considered an important date in astrological terms and is sometimes called a "power point". An eagle is often used as a symbol.

The festival of the dead at this time of year is something many cultures have in common, from the Mexican Dia De los Metros (Day of the Dead) to the observances of ancient Egypt.

Many Christians erroneously believe that Witches selected the dates in which they observed their Sabbats to correlate with the times of important Christian festivals as a way to make a sacrilegious mockery of them. In reality, it was the Christian church that chose to observe their festivals on the dates of important Pagan holy days. This was a way for the Christian church, which had few members, to convert the Pagan population. As the Church grew in power it gradually erased the true meanings if the days.

Halloween today is a very different and an extremely popular holiday; evoking visions of cute tots dressed in even cuter costumes begging for treats as they go door to door caroling the familiar call “Trick or treat!” . The tradition persist despite the fact that every year the Fundamentalist Christian groups attempt to ban the celebrations.

Halloween, is observed as the chief festival in most modern witchcraft traditions. Known as Samhain (Sow-en) The Grand Sabbat, is a time for quiet reflection and remembrance of those how have passed beyond. It is also considered a good time for divination and to communicate with the spirits and ancestors

Ah yes so very familiar!

A Love Story

I will seek and find you . . .

I shall take you to bed and have my way with you .
I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.
I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.
I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you.
And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.

All my love,
The Flu

Now, get your mind out of the gutter and go get your flu shot

Also a departure from the norm.

Now normally, I would not post this here, but I can t help but agree with this.

Muah
Meme

AN OPEN LETTER FROM THE GOD/DESS

From: God/dess

To: Our Children of Earth

Re: Idiotic Religious Rivalries

Dear Children (and believe us, that's all of you), We consider ourselves pretty patient folks. For instance, look at the Grand Canyon. It took millions of years to get it right. And about evolution? Boy, nothing is slower than designing that whole Darwinian thing to take place, cell by cell, and gene by gene.


We' ve been patient through your fashions, civilizations, wars and schemes, and the countless ways you take Us for granted until you get yourselves into big trouble again and again. We want to let you know about some of the things that are starting to tick Us off.


First of all, your religious rivalries are driving Us up a wall. Enough already! Let's get one thing straight: These are YOUR religions, not Ours. We're the whole enchilada; We're beyond them all. Every one of your religions claims there is only one of Us (which by the way, is absolutely true). But in the very next breath, each religion claims it's Our favorite one. And each claims it's scriptures were written personally by Us, and that all the other scriptures are man-made.

Oy Vey. How do We even begin to put a stop to such complicated nonsense?

Okay, listen up now. We're your Father AND Mother, and We don't play favorites among Our children. Also, We hate to break it to you, but We don't write. Our longhand is awful, and We've always been more of doers anyway. So ALL of your books, including those Bibles, were written by men and women. They were inspired, remarkable people, but they also made mistakes here and there. We made sure of that so that you would never trust a written word more than your own living heart.


You see, one human being to Us, even a bum on the street, is worth more than all the Holy Books in the world. That's just the kind of folks we are. Our spirit is not a historical thing. It's alive right here, right now, as fresh as your next breath. Holy books and religious rites are sacred and powerful, but not more so than the least of you.


They were only meant to steer you in the right direction, not to keep you arguing with each other, and certainly not to keep you from trusting your own personal connection with Us. Which brings Us to Our next point about your nonsense.


You act like We need you and your religions to stick up for Us or "win souls" for Our sake. Please, don't do Us any favors. We can stand quite well on our own, thank you. We don't need you to defend Us, and We don't need constant credit. We just want you to be good to each other. And another thing, We don't get all worked up over money or politics, so stop dragging Our names into your dramas.


For example, We swear to Us ::::smile::::, that We never threatened Oral Roberts. We never rode in any of Rajneesh's Rolls Royces. We never told Pat Robertson to run for president, and We've never, EVER had a conversation with Jim Baker, Jerry Falwell, or Jimmy Swaggart! Of course, come Judgment Day, We certainly intend to....


The thing is, We want you to stop thinking of religion as some sort of loyalty pledge to Us. The true purpose of your religions is so that YOU can become more aware of Us, not the other way around. Believe Us, We know you already. We know what's in each of your hearts, and We love you with no strings attached. Lighten up and enjoy Us.


That's what religion is best for. What you seem to forget is how mysterious We are. You look at the petty differences in your Scriptures and say, Well, if THIS is the truth, then THAT can't be! But instead of trying to figure out Our Paradoxes and Unfathomable Nature, which by the way, you NEVER will, why not open your hearts to the simple common threads in all religions. You know what We're talking about. Love and respect everyone. Be kind, even when life is scary or confusing. Take courage and be of good cheer, for We are always with you. Learn how to be quiet, so you can hear Our still, small voice. (We don't like to shout).


Leave the world a better place by living your life with dignity and gracefulness, for you are Our Own Children. Hold back nothing from life, for the parts of you that can die surely will, and the parts that can't, won't. So don't worry, be happy. (We stole that last line from Bobby McFerrin.)


Simple stuff. Why do you keep making it so complicated? It's like you're always looking for an excuse to be upset. And We're very tired of being your main excuse. Do you think We care whether you call Us.... Yahweh, Jehovah, Allah, Diana, Wakantonka, Brahma, Cerridwen, Father, Mother, God, Goddess or even the Void of Nirvana?


Do you think We care which of Our special children you feel closest to, Jesus, Mary, Buddha, Krishna, Gerald, Mohammed or any of the others? You can call Us and Our Special Ones any name you choose, if only you would go about Our business of loving one another as We love you. How can you keep neglecting something so simple?


We're not telling you to abandon your religions. Enjoy your religions, honor them, learn from them, just as you should enjoy, honor, and learn from your parents. But do you walk around telling everyone that your parents are better than theirs? Your religion, like your parents, may always have the most special place in your hearts, We don't mind that at all.


And We don't want you to combine all the Great Traditions in One Big Mess. Each religion is unique for a reason. Each has a unique style so that people can find the best path for themselves. Know that Our Special Children, the ones that your religions revolve around, all live in the same place, (Our heart), and they get along perfectly, We assure you. The clergy must stop creating a myth of sibling rivalry where there is none.


Our blessed children of Earth, the world has grown too small for your pervasive religious bigotries and confusion. The whole planet is connected by air travel, satellite dishes, telephones, fax machines, rock concerts, diseases, and mutual needs and concerns. Get with the program! If you really want to help, then commit yourselves to figuring out how to feed your hungry, clothe your naked, protect your abused, and shelter your poor. And just as importantly, make your own everyday life a shining example of kindness and good humor.


We've given you all the resources you need, if only you abandon your fear of each other and begin living, loving and laughing together. We're not really ticked off. We just wanted to grab your attention because We hate to see you suffer. You have free will to choose your own paths, and We just want you to be happy.


In Perfect Love and Perfect Trust, Us

Just a little something different

Deep peace of the running wave to you, Of water flowing, rising and falling, Sometimes advancing, sometimes receding. May the stream of your life flow unimpeded! Deep peace of the running wave to you!

Deep peace of the flowing air to you, Which fans your face on a sultry day, The air which you breathe deeply, rhythmically, Which imparts to you energy, consciousness, life. Deep peace of the flowing air to you!

Deep peace of the quiet earth to you, Who, herself unmoving, harbors the movements And facilitates the life of the ten thousand creatures. While resting contented, stable, tranquil. Deep peace of the quiet earth to you!

Deep peace of the shining stars to you, Which stay invisible till darkness falls And discloses their pure and shining presence Beaming down in compassion on our turning world. Deep peace of the shining stars to you! - a Gaelic poem